we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
