Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
