Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
being pregnant is like rehab
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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