I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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