Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
