did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
