His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
