I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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