addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
