Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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