So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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