Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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