Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
