i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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