why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
