I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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