I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
