Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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