I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
