What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
