the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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