and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
