You just made me feel so damn special
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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