if you like me you must not know who I am
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize