found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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