She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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