is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
