I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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