I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
