did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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