Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
