Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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