i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
