she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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