All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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