no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize