His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
