Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
