shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
