True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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