You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It's just like the Real World with babies
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
