Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
