please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
