There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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