I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
