So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize