I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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