Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
