So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
