Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Randomize