I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
