the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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