I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
