Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
