so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
