her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
