Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
